Andrew's Stuff

The following was originally posted by Gruntha (not one of my alts) on the MUD boards here. I have mirrored it here as I find it both humourous and informative to some degree and board posts don't last forever.

You jump off.
You are falling off the tower of art [none].
A tiny black moth flits into the area and flutters around you.
You are too busy staring at your impending doom to do anything else!
A quadrangle [s,e,w,nw,n].
You stand up.
You hit the flagstones of the quadrangle with a meaty crunch.
The light surrounding you flickers and winks out.
The light around corpse of gruntha flickers and winks out.
Someone says: DARK IN HERE, ISN'T IT?
You turn and see Death standing behind you.
Death says: AH, THERE YOU ARE. ARE YOU THE LAST ONE?
Death says: JUST LET ME FIX THESE LITTLE WINGS ON YOU...


The fairy godmother says: Oh, ahhh. Good.
The fairy godmother waves her wand in your direction.
The fairy godmother peers worriedly around the room.
The entrance to the Goat & Bush [s,e].
A bulletin board [ 80 notes ] is mounted on one wall.
You reappear in a more solid form.
The dark brown book crumbles and vanishes mysteriously.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
It is too dark to see anything.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
<snip>
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
The someone asks: You not one of dem miners, are you?
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
You can't see your hand in front of your face.
What?

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

You're too busy watching your life flash before your eyes to do anything!
Your fingers jerk spasmodically as panic washes through your body!

SPLAT!

Your broken body tumbles into the Lancre river and is carried off.

Your lifeless body is washed up beneath a bridge far downstream.

You stand up.
You start to swim.

You can't see your hand in front of your face.
Hp: 0 (1364) Gp: 0 (192) Xp: 0
Someone says: HELLO AGAIN.
You turn and see Death standing behind you.
<snip>
The fairy godmother starts to swim.

Offler the Crocodile God shouts: Game ith webooting in 4 minuteth.
You tell Asade: could you taxi me from lancre town to djelibeybe? I"m gonna kill some cats.
Asade laughs at you.
Asade tells you: suicide... fun! be right there :D
Asade tells you: not much time left...
Someone appears suddenly, accompanied by a brief shower of rain.
Someone puts something in a pocket in something.
Someone drops something.
Someone closes her eyes.
Offler the Crocodile God shouts: Game ith webooting in 2 minuteth.
Someone utters a prayer.
Sister Asade calls upon Pishe.
Sister Asade begins to glow with holy light.
A small pocket of air bursts through a part of the muck, creating an ungraceful belch.
The arrogant teenager leaves south.
You make a follow request to Sister Asade.
Sister Asade accepts the follow request from you.
Sister Asade waits for gp.
You tell Asade: we might have to finish this after the reboot...
Sister Asade nods.
A young resident arrives from the northwest.
Asade tells you: might have time
The homely youth searches his pockets for a bit to eat.
Offler the Crocodile God shouts: Game ith webooting in one minute. Quit now!
Sister Asade laughs.
Offler the Crocodile God shouts: Game ith webooting in 50 thecondth. Go away!
Sister Asade waves.
Asade leaves the game.
Something fades to black.
<snip>
The playful calico cat hisses and spits angrily.
The playful calico cat nibbles at your stomach.
The playful calico cat sinks his teeth into your left leg.
You attempt to trip the playful calico cat but cannot find an opportunity.
The playful calico cat nibbles at your right leg.
You hit the playful calico cat in the head with a vicious hook.
You killed the playful calico cat.
You show the corpse of a playful calico cat to Sister Asade when she accepts the offer.
Sister Asade laughs.
You ask Asade: how long until the priests turn up?
Asade tells you: i think you have to find them...
Asade tells you: one south :)
The Avenue of the Pharaohs going through the bazaar [n,s,e,w].
A lean warrior and a devoted priest are standing here.
The devoted priest gleefully stomps towards you, cackling maniacally.
The lean warrior leaves southeast.
The devoted priest exclaims in Djelian: lam-khin-sap! than-bibh khin khan-bibh-khin-nut than "sot-fit-khin-pran khin than
khot-lip-what-yih-what-ghot ghot-mat-khot nut-lat-ghot" yih khot-ghot-bibh-bhon lat what sap-bibh-mit-khin lat sap
mat-nut-khot-lip-ghot!
Some other priests and priestesses rush over to assist the one that caught you. Heaving you up across the shoulders of the
strongest members, they carry you off toward the gates.
Sister Asade and a scrawny tabby cat arrive from the north.
You start to swim.
You are paralyzed!
The priests toss you into the river!
Squelch.
The crocodile starts to swim.
A crocodile slithers through the water towards you.

The crocodile moves aggressively towards you!
The crocodile bashes you in the chest with its tail.
The crocodile bashes you in the right leg with its tail.
The crocodile bashes you in the head with its tail.
The crocodile rips your right foot to pieces with its teeth.
A small section of the river Djel [u].
A pair of ugly green suspenders is lying on the bottom.
Your feet run away with you!
You struggle to leave up, but you can't make any headway in the turbulent waters.
You struggle to leave up, but you can't make any headway in the turbulent waters.
You break the surface and take a deep breath.
A small section of the river Djel [d].
A crocodile is swimming here.
The crocodile smashes its tail into your left leg.
You struggle to leave down, but you can't make any headway in the turbulent waters.
You try to run away, but no matter how you scrabble, you can't find any way out.
The crocodile tears deeply into your stomach.
You feel dry now.
Three things sink down.
Someone says: MY, WE'VE BEEN A BIT CARELESS, HAVEN'T WE? SHALL WE POPPADOM TO THE NEXT DIMENSION?
You turn and see Death standing behind you.
Something drifts with the current.

You climb some rickety stairs leading to the balcony above.
<snip>
A balcony overlooking the bar [d].
You mount the chandelier and start swinging over the bar below! People all around start whistling and shouting.
The rope supporting the chandelier breaks sending you plummeting into the bar below!
The Goat and Bush [n,u].
Sobriety Tailor is standing here.
A menu is hanging behind the bar and a cash safe is in the wall.
You land with a thump on a table, spilling numerous pints! Several people look rather annoyed.
A big yokel stands up from one of the tables.
The big yokel exclaims: You spilt my pint!
Sobriety Tailor anticipates trouble and dives to safety behind the bar.
The big yokel moves aggressively towards you!
You hit the big yokel in the face with a cross.
The big yokel tickles you in the stomach with his toes but your skin absorbs some of the blow.
A yokel gets up from his seat.
The yokel scratches your chest with his knife.
The big yokel tickles you in the left foot.
The yokel nicks your right hand with his knife.
A yokel gets up from his seat.
Someone says: DO YOU EVER GET THAT FEELING OF DEJA VU?
You turn and see Death standing behind you.
Death says: YOU KNOW, I SUSPECT YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH.

Sir Sined L'Magii gets Hub Plateau from a pocket in Blorples between opening and closing it.
Sir Sined L'Magii starts to sketch a door in the air with his jo.
The lines Sir Sined L'Magii sketched in the air start to glow a red colour.
A strange green smell escapes from the forming door and slowly wisps its way around the room.
The door slowly starts to materialise.
The bright silver moon dragon struts proudly around the room.
Sir Sined L'Magii dances and capers madly around the door, throwing bizarre coloured bits of power into it and chanting
strange and obscure lyrics.
A mysterious stone door solidifies with a satisfying thump.
Sir Sined L'Magii puts Hub Plateau in a pocket in Blorples.
Sir Sined L'Magii opens the mysterious stone door.
The muffled lemon whispers to you: Remember to whittle.
Sir Sined L'Magii looks at you.
The bright silver moon dragon rustles about on the ground.
Sined L'Magii tells you: you'll probably lose your inv
The muffled lemon sings about quests.
Sined L'Magii tells you: enter door if you want the hub
You go through the mysterious stone door.
The Hub [n,e,s,w].
A muffled lemon emerges from a thaumic door which appears in midair.
A muffled lemon succeeds in following you.
The muffled lemon capers around.
The muffled lemon dances the disco duck.
Time passes.
You feel quite cold.
The humming of the spire in the background inverts for a moment, and your ears are treated to a deafening wave of anti-sound.
The muffled lemon wonders about how to complete those tricky quests.
You say to the muffled lemon: I must be hot stuff. It's taking me ages to cool down.
You feel cold to your bones.
You shiver.
The muffled lemon whispers to you: Don't let mushrooms grow on your teeth.
You're so cold you feel your energy being drained.
You shiver.
You're so cold you feel your energy being drained.
You shiver.
You're so cold you feel your energy being drained.
You shiver.
Constitution ... 10 (-3) Intelligence ... 8 Wisdom ......... 8 Weight ......... 88.7kg
Dexterity ...... 18 Strength ....... 15 (-3) Height ......... 173 cm
You're so cold you feel as though you're about to expire.
You shiver.
It's incredibly, unbelievably cold here.
Overall your clothing provides no warmth.
On balance, you are close to death from extreme hypothermia and are cooling down slowly.
The muffled lemon dances the disco duck.
Light rays from the Cori Celesti pierce through the clouds.
You're so cold you feel as though you're about to expire.
You shiver.
Snow drifts down from the clouds above.
The bulky white bear huffs heavily.
Constitution ... 7 (-6) Intelligence ... 8 Wisdom ......... 8 Weight ......... 88.7kg
Dexterity ...... 18 Strength ....... 12 (-6) Height ......... 173 cm

At this point, I'd like to point out that being that could should reduce your dexterity. I'm sure many here are familiar with being really cold and fumbling about.

It's incredibly, unbelievably cold here.
Overall your clothing provides no warmth.
On balance, you are close to death from extreme hypothermia and will stay pretty much as you are.
You tell Keb Casaubon, QueenMab Womblesworth, Gypsie d'Rugbaron, Vicky and Lotte de la Vega: Can one of you please fly me
some cooling clothes? I'm having difficulty dying of freezing.
<snip>
The Hub [n,e,s,w].
Two ice giants are standing here.
A muffled lemon arrives from the west.
A muffled lemon succeeds in following you.
One of the ice giants shouts: RRROOOAAARRRR!
One of the ice giants pursues you.
You laugh at the ice giant's ludicrous attempt to intimidate you.
One of the ice giants shouts: RRROOOAAARRRR!
One of the ice giants pursues you.
You snicker at the ice giant's attempt to intimidate you.
Two ice giants move aggressively towards you!
One of the ice giants smashes you in the right leg with his giant wooden club.
One of the ice giants smashes you in the right leg with her giant wooden club.
Hp: 977 (1282) Gp: 167 (185) Xp: 11350
One of the ice giants smashes you in the stomach with his giant wooden club.
Hp: 752 (1282) Gp: 168 (185) Xp: 11353
Hp: 752 (1282) Gp: 170 (185) Xp: 11356
The ice giant smashes you in the left hand with her giant wooden club.
The ice giant smashes you in the left hand with her giant wooden club.
Hp: 427 (1282) Gp: 172 (185) Xp: 11359
You poke the ice giant in the face.
The ice giant trips you sending you crashing to the ground.
Hp: 429 (1282) Gp: 174 (185) Xp: 11362
The ice giant smashes you in the right foot with her giant wooden club.
Hp: 268 (1282) Gp: 177 (185) Xp: 11365
Hp: 271 (1282) Gp: 180 (185) Xp: 11368
You stand up.
The ice giant smashes you in the left arm with her giant wooden club.
You whisper into the wooden ring.
Hp: 177 (1282) Gp: 183 (185) Xp: 11371
The ice giant smashes you in the chest with her giant wooden club.
The Hub [n,e,s,w].
A muffled lemon arrives from the west.
A muffled lemon succeeds in following you.
An ice giant arrives from the west.
An ice giant pursues you.
Your feet run away with you!
Hp: 18 (1282) Gp: 185 (185) Xp: 11377
You punch at the ice giant but her skin absorbs most of the blow.
The ice giant smashes you in the head with her giant wooden club.
Someone says: MY, WE'VE BEEN A BIT CARELESS, HAVEN'T WE? SHALL WE POPPADOM TO THE NEXT DIMENSION?
You turn and see Death standing behind you.
Death says: IS DYING THE NEW FASHION? WOULD YOU FOLLOW SOMEONE IF THEY JUMPED OFF A CLIFF?
Death says: ACTUALLY, DON'T ANSWER THAT.
As if by magic a fairy godmother appears.
The ice giant pursues a fairy godmother.
The fairy godmother says: I hope you're not foreign. You know, where you gabble at me in heathen lingo and eat foreign muck
and worship objects.
The fairy godmother asks: So. You want some help to get back to the the entrance to the Goat & Bush?
The ice giant crushes the fairy godmother's stomach with her giant wooden club.
The fairy godmother says: All you have to do is think of somewhere safe.
The fairy godmother glares stonily at you.
The ice giant hits the fairy godmother hard in the left foot with her giant wooden club.
The fairy godmother says: What is this travesty! Attacking your fairy godmother, Well I never.
The ice giant hits the fairy godmother hard in the left arm with her giant wooden club.
The ice giant hits the fairy godmother hard in the left arm with her giant wooden club.
The fairy godmother exclaims: the ice giant I here by curse you!
With a quick flick of her wand, the fairy godmother is gone.
As if by magic a fairy godmother appears.
The ice giant pursues a fairy godmother.
The fairy godmother says: I hope you're not foreign. You know, where you gabble at me in heathen lingo and eat foreign muck
and worship objects.
The fairy godmother asks: So. You want some help to get back to the the entrance to the Goat & Bush?
The ice giant smashes the fairy godmother in the left hand with her giant wooden club.
The fairy godmother says: All you have to do is think of somewhere safe.
The fairy godmother glares stonily at you.
The fairy godmother says: What is this travesty! Attacking your fairy godmother, Well I never.
The fairy godmother exclaims: the ice giant I here by curse you!
With a quick flick of her wand, the fairy godmother is gone.

Somewhere on the east end of Lancre Town square [n,e,w,sw,nw].
A wrought iron sign is here.

You step into the oppressive heat of the town forge.

Jason Ogg's Forge [w,s].
Jason Ogg and a little ant appear from the back of the forge.
Jason Ogg pulls a bar out of the fire and lays it on the anvil.
Hp: 676 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1544
You poke Jason Ogg in the head.
Jason Ogg hits you hard in the stomach with his smith's hammer.
Hp: 584 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1547
Hp: 579 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1550
Jason Ogg hits you hard in the right arm with his smith's hammer.
Jason Ogg exclaims: Oi! Bugger off!
Hp: 479 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1553
Hp: 483 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1556
Hp: 487 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1559
You tickle Jason Ogg in the head.
Hp: 491 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1562
Hp: 495 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1565
You poke Jason Ogg in the face.
Jason Ogg hits you hard in the right foot with his smith's hammer.
Hp: 388 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1568
You poke Jason Ogg in the head.
Hp: 392 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1571
Jason Ogg smashes you in the right foot with his smith's hammer.
Hp: 259 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1574
Jason Ogg smashes you in the chest with his smith's hammer.
Hp: 110 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1577
You poke Jason Ogg in the face.
Hp: 114 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1580
Jason Ogg hits you hard in the face with his smith's hammer.
Hp: 21 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1589

You step out from the oppressive heat of the town forge.

Somewhere on the east end of Lancre Town square [n,e,w,sw,nw].
A wrought iron sign is here.
Your feet run away with you!

You step into the oppressive heat of the town forge.

Jason Ogg's Forge [w,s].
A little ant and Jason Ogg are standing here.
Hp: 24 (1338) Gp: 188 (188) Xp: 1598

You step out from the oppressive heat of the town forge.

Somewhere on the east end of Lancre Town square [n,e,w,sw,nw].
A wrought iron sign is here.
Your feet run away with you!
Queued command: wimpy 0
Queued command: e
Wimpy set to 0%

You step into the oppressive heat of the town forge.

Jason Ogg's Forge [w,s].
A little ant and Jason Ogg are standing here.
Jason Ogg hits you hard in the face with his smith's hammer.
You have died your final death. Your name will be inscribed in the Hall of Legends.
Gruntha has died for the last time. He is mourned.
Someone says: MY, WE'VE BEEN A BIT CARELESS, HAVEN'T WE? SHALL WE POPPADOM TO THE NEXT DIMENSION?
You turn and see Death standing behind you.
Jason Ogg looks like he's expecting someone.
Kanashimi za Shiiro Tora mourns you.
Death says: LET'S HAVE NO ARGY BHAJI.
Bac mourns you.
Tilandor De'Klepto mourns you.
Archilus mourns you.
Death says: DON'T MAKE THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES, IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD.
Gerby mourns you.
Death says: I SUPPOSE YOU WANT TO BE ALLOWED TO STAY, DO YOU?